Dream

Hi Brenden!

2005-05-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hi Brenden!

So, I hear you made Oogie into a gay boy on the SIMS. Good for you. When I talked to Cindy on the phone it was really funny... she says, "Brenden was at my house... alone... having gay sex on SIMS... should I be worried?" ROFL

I told her not to worry.

I would now like to talk about the scary people that I work with. It's a strange environment actually. Half of the people are super nice. The other have are plain scary.

For Example: (names have been changed to protect the innocent, namely ME) Lady 1 is super nice. Sometimes I ride home with her. I love the way she drive and tells a long story at the same time. She doesn't drive really wild or fast. Just all chill and mellow.

Then there is Lady 2... who loves to say, "Ok!" its great. Shes so funny. Espically when she starts talking about men she doesn't like.

Lady 3 is like a walking tank and everytime I talk to her I feel like she would rather slap me or throw a brick at me. I dont know why...

and last, we have Man 1. He never smiles. And if he does smile, its creepy. He always glowers at me dubiously like a monster from EverQuest I dont have enough faction with, and never will.

It put a beautiful plant and a painting in my cubicle today!!

Take care Brenden... and Brenden.. your 18 now... better watch out for my SIM!! MUA HA HA HA!!

bah, im not going to spell check this.. publish away!!!!

Brenden

2005-05-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

Since Brenden is the only person who actually reads my blog, this post is JUST for him!!

Well, yes I am in San Francisco now. Actually Oakland. It's beautiful here and I really dig the weather. It likes to change a lot and it will fog or rain and then shine. I like that. It's not always super cold like it was in Ogden or Seattle.

I've only gone into the city about three times. by the city we mean "San Francisco."

I went to see my friend Jay. It was a lot of fun. He lives in an area of San Francisco called "The Mission." It's like hell. There are all these social rules and regulations that govern how you should act and where you should walk in the mission in order to avoid getting killed my gang member or shot in the "cross fire".

Jay's boyfriend is a man named Jerardo. I'm sure I have that spelling wrong. He has lots of rules for living in the city too. I don't like having social rules that govern my every day breath I take like some area wide social anxiety disorder. I dont think I'll be actually living inside San Francisco anytime soon, or if I do, I wont be anywhere near the "mission."

I use a train called tha BART to get around if I have to go into the city. It stands for Bay Area Rapid Transit. I find it fun actually. I'm sure it'll become annoying once I get used to it and I'll wish I just had a car, but for now it works for me. When you are in the car you have to cross a lot of bridges and there are a LOT of toll roads around here. That is something I never really encountered living anywhere else. It costs $5.00 just to cross the Golden Gate Bridge. the Golden Gate is the most famous bridge and usually a symbol of San Francisco. I dont think I'll ever go over it actually LOL. Not because of the price, just because I really have no need to go that way.

The apartment we live in is tiny, and we dont have high speed internet access. I can deal with that though. We dont get into each others way .. not yet at least. It's different living with people who tolerate gayness, it's a whole other to live with people who celebrate gayness. It's great for me to sit on my computer and download gay pron and know that no one will freak out or even give me a second glance when they walk in to me saving images of hot horney guys being hot and horney with each other.

Libby's girlfriend is named Eddie. She is going for gender neutrality, a very interesting aspect of gayness. She is born under the Star Sign Cancer and I must admit that I LOVE being around that intense water sign energy again. Libby is Star Sign Taurus and as we all know Taurus' are superstars!!! It's great being around Libby again.

I'll enjoy seeing Jay once in a while too. He is a touch paranoid and his boyfriend is a freak. I love them both though.

I haven't started Massage Therapy yet, so in the mean time I am working with Libby at MHN. It's Managed Health Net and we talk to crazy people who need referals to doctors so they can become sane again. Its a lot of fun and the call center is awesome. It's like 50 billion times better than AOHELL!! My boss is HOT str8 guy. I have been lucky is getting nice hot str8 bosses lately!!

Jay and Jerado took me to a street festival in San Francisco called "Weird". It was weird. People dress up in crasy costumes and dance to DJ's in the streets who are playing awesome music. They have booths set up selling clothes and what nots. Jerardo dressed me in a beautiful hindu goddess shirt, a black dress, fairy wings and a pointed asian bamboo hat. Next year I'm going to go in a star trek uniform.

Well, thats all I can think of for now. Take care and wish everyone there my love!

Im not gonna spell check this.

American English?

2005-04-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

Found this on my friend Jay's blog. Quite interesting.

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Ultima

2005-04-02T23:18:00.000-08:00

http://artpad.art.com/?ied0aa14oirg

From Russia with Love

2005-03-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

I LOVE out of the blue stuff... Well as long as they are good. I love getting personal email from people I dont know. It doesn't happen very often, but once in a great while it does.
One such thing happened today: I got a sweet letter from a man who is from Russia. I dont know if he is in Russia right now, or if he is a Russian in America. His email address was at .ru and when I looked it up on the internet it was Russian.
He saw my profile on gay.com and decided to write me.
It really made my day. Do I sound desperate? Well I should because I AM god damnit!! Oh I need to write Jay ! I have a few .. um questions that I am sure he will be able to answer!

San Francisco

2005-03-27T00:59:00.000-08:00

Someone told me that Curage is one step ahead of Fear.

That single sentace is keeping me going for my epic move to San Francisco. I am throwing away a lot of my old life and just moving clothes and my massage table.

I am really scared because I ~know~ that for me to stay in San Francisco and be happy that it will require a complete transformation on my part. Things will never be the same after this, and if I try to keep them the same I will fail.

The transformation scares me tho. (I hate the word "though", too many fucking letters take THAT you god damned spell check).

What if the transformation leads to my death? Ok, well then thats fine. If you want to cross the bridge my sweet you've got to pay the toll, take a gulp take a breath and go ahead and sign the scroll!!!

Why?

2005-03-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

This kinda freaks me out once in a while.

Sometimes, something will happen, usually when I'm looking in the mirror...

But tonight, I was just walking through the rain.

Then I start to ask myself, "Why am I me?"

It's creepy.

"Why am I me? Why do I experience these things that I do. Why am I seeing the world though these eyes? Why do I have the body that I have, and not something else? Why do I feel the things that I feel?"

It really trips me out. It is a strange feeling and I don't know why it's strange. Also I wonder why I feel so sad when I get in this mode of thinking? I do. When I look at myself this way I get an overwhelming sense of sadness and loneness, and I don't know why.

Everything Will Be Alright

2005-03-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

(Tell me what happens)
(When you stop being lonely)
(Do you find yourself forgetting all the good times)

/He still loves him, doesn't he?/
=Of course he does! I think he always will....=
/We have to do something about that!/
=I have an idea...=

(I'll tell you what happened)
(when I stopped being lonely)
(I realized I could keep you here inside)

=He has changed so much since then, that when he looks back
he doesn't' see the same person...=
/Ok..../
=But when he looks back at him, he still sees the the same, young, unchanged version=

(When I forget to believe)
(You show me)
(If I close my eyes I can still see you right here by my side)
(Hold me tight)
(Whisper in my ear everything will be alright)

/Then.... we have to show him! Break down the illusion!/
=Maybe not, maybe what we have to do is replace the illusion=
/Replace the illusion? We can do that?/
=Why not? Ever heard of hormone replacement therapy? This will be Memory Replacement Therapy!=

Ok

2005-03-11T02:27:00.000-08:00

My Dad called me on my birthday. We had a good conversation. Not much to say, nothing exciting happened. Now if you know me, you'd know that I say, "I love you!" at the end of every phone conversation... If I do actually "love" you that is. With the exception of Chris. I think it would freak him out. Anyway, I told my Dad I loved him at conversation's end and all he said was, "Ok."
Huh. Now as I seem to remember the other time I talked to him he said the same thing.
This is a little odd because he used to have this idea that I "hated" him. I didn't. I never did. Did I? No, I don't think so. I was bitter at him a lot, but I didn't despise his existence like he thought. You would think that in the now - now that I can tell him I love him he would say he loved me.
Maybe that fork in the road was a few light years back.
He doesn't know that the Unicorns destroyed all the Vampires. He doesn't know that the Steven of Darkness was replaced by the Steven of Light, who would shout ULTIMA!!! when mad, but more likely summon the Aeons Alexander or Leviathan. Nor would he know that Emma doesn't stand for anything because its not an acronym, it's her name. And the god's mistake was making the Christophers live longer than they would before the experiment was complete, but a symbiosis emerged anyway.
My fear is that when my Dad reaches his fence at the path in the forest of life, he won't be able to see me because my path will be too far away from his, hidden in a mist covered ocean of trees.

dunno!

2005-03-10T01:06:00.000-08:00

Some lavendar books have been floating around work. I dont know where they got them. The sales people are really super nice. They are sales people after all and are always selling their personality. Strange beings those salespeople.
Anyway, there is a guy advertising massage at dennis massage... um but he is using a lot of sex appeal to sell his services. I just dont know how I feel about that.
his services tag line is "Professional * Sensual". How from from "Sexual" is "Sensual" because massage therapy is not sexual and I dont think it should be advertised that way.
I'm a massage therapist and I can say that the only body type I dont like working on are the itty bitty paper thin girls or women. They are annoying, its like, I can't find the right tool for the job! My ulna is too long and my hand is too akward. I just wanna hand them a twinky and tell them to come back when they are less bones.
We graduated from the same school and they pound it in our heads how we have to keep a positive non sexual image of massage therapy for the future success of massage therapy. I just dont know how I feel about all that. Oh and I just had another thought, does he get... like... um.. "Sensual" with them on the table? Try to give them an errection type thing? I'm sure he doesn't have sex with them in any way during the session... Or does he!? That would be really wrong. How wrong is it to be sensual with them, does it have any healing properties. I'm sure he does good work. I want to write him email and ask him! I would have to find a charming way of putting it to him. I wouldn't want to be: Dear Dennismassage, Do you screw your clients on the table?" lol or should I? Dunno!!

Night Elves vs. Undead

2005-03-04T00:14:00.000-08:00

I play an Undead Priest in my World of Warcraft guild called The OCK. It's a lot of fun. My old friend Chris is playing WoW now too, but he isn't too keen on the whole Horde (aka bad guys) deal like my guild is. SOOO I've been playing a Night Elf and let me too you, Night Elves are way more fun for me to play than stupid Undead!
First of all, Undead are ugly... and well, thats about it. Night Elves are pretty, their lands are beautiful. They have these HUGE ears that just crack me up, and their movements are so graceful. /sigh. Sucks that my Undead Priest is level 53 and my Night Elf priest is 13. 40 levels to go... I don't know if I can make it.
NOW in 2006 the Star Trek Online game comes out and I CAN'T WAIT!! Im soo excited. Im gonna have to ditch the spell book and magic staff, pick up a tricorder and phazer!! YAY
I'm having more fun as an undead right now because I've teamed up with Zorle, who plays an Orc Warrior and we make a great team! He used to play a Shadow Knight on Everquest, and was on my server, but he was in the guild Five Rings and not Insidious Blood like I was.

Water

2005-02-23T03:05:00.000-08:00

I was feeling depressed so I decided to go watch the pool water shimmer about in the dark pool room. I was feeling depressed about the future. I doubt I will ever own my own home, or have a new car or worst of all ever have a long term loving relationship.
As I looked at the water shimmering along I got to thinking about string theory. Well of course they are onto something. It's the only thing that explains both the microscopic quantum universe and the macroscopic relative universe in the same breath.
The violinist makes the strings move on his or her violin, but what makes the strings vibrate? It can't be an external force, because all forces are variant vibrations of strings. But... There is one little tricky energy out there that follows its own rule book. The Noble Gas of Thermal Dynamics: Heat.
Why else would there be a need for an energy that never is transformed? The gravity of the sun (a result of many string vibrations) causes the hydrogen to fuse into heavy helium (more strings doing a different dance) and those vibrations together cause many forms of energy one of them being heat, the constant string. The end to every song. The sun is a huge symphony with out a conductor!
This would make sense in the conservation of "string energy" something has to keep them moving!
String theory is amazing, especially if I'm onto something with this heat thing. It totally redefines the second law of Thermal Dynamics. (I have always theorized that a black hole is the only natural phenomenon that would transform heat back into matter.)
Since life is the only thing in the universe that fights entropy, its like swimming upstream because we NEED it in order to survive. All forces all matter everything needs it to exist. There must be a conservation tool that transforms heat into a ready energy source (a string that vibrates to change the vibration of the heat which vibrated the first string in the first place! haha!) It's not insane, its beautiful!
Cold is not a force, not a vibrations of any strings. Its the lack of. Cold does not spread, it absorbs heat. It needs to keep things in motion. Common misconception.
OMG The End!

Fury

2005-02-22T01:34:00.000-08:00

I hate Carl.
To this day I still hate him.
I used to work with Carl at US West Communications in Denver before the fat man from Qwest bought them.
I was on his team.
I hate Carl.
He was gay and for no reason what so ever he decided that he needed to be a mega bitch to me.
I just don't get that. Why do other gay people feel the need to be even more evil to other gay people?
I mean this bitch really had no reason at all. I knew him for 2 seconds before he starting be mega bitch to me. I was naive back then and ~tried~ to get on his good side. It didn't work.
So I hate him.
He moved to some retarded place up north to go to school (good, maybe he'll get some enlightenment and sweeten up his bitter soul that is evil and I hate) and I was soo happy when I found out. Of coruse my Jackass of a boss (who was a river raft guide before becoming US West management and probably never even used a telephone before they took him out of the ape exhibit from the Denver zoo and shaved him) just LOVED him and decided to have a going away party. Good idea. I didn't go to his party but I threw a party because he was leaving.
I never knew why he was so evil, so I made up my own version.
Once upon a time there was a guy named Carl who was in love with one of his co works named Bob. Before getting up the nerve to ask Bob out. Carl would often dress up in a girl scouts uniform and wander around Bob's house with boxes of cookies for just the one slight hope of seeing Bob.
Well, one night at a local gay bar, Carl got drunk and confessed his love for Bob. Bob, being a sweet guy decided to go out with Carl.
It didn't take long for Bob to realize that he was dating the Anti-Christ and quickly dumped him for a handsome man who also worked at US West named Sean.
Carl didn't know who Sean was or even his name.. Just that they all worked at US West in the same building.
Now this is where I come in. I worked on the same floor with the Carl of Hate and Destruction bow Down to the Evil Sith Lord of the Third Floor Sales Department. I didn't know Sean or Bob, but I would go use the bathroom on the 18th floor because it was a quite floor and I enjoyed being alone in the bathroom. Well it just so happens that Bob works on the 18th floor.
One day, Bob and I happened to be in the 18th floor bathroom at the same time. Someone had turned the hand dryer spout around, so when I turned it on a bunch of hot air flew into my face. It startled me and I yelped and we both laughed about it.
As we were leaving the bathroom we encountered the Carl, who incidentally if you were to rearange the letters in his name you would get V I L E. Carl saw us both laughing and leaving the bathroom together and just assumed that I was the "Other Woman."
He was evil to me ever since, until one day a strong wind came along and caught his big ears like a ships sail and whisked him away to a far far away land and was never heard from again. Rumor has it though, and a house fell on his sister, he became obsessed with a pair of ruby slippers and melted away into a pile of noxious ooze.
The End.

Famous Biff!

2005-02-08T01:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my sister took me to lunch at a BBQ place called Famous Dave's.
Our waiter introduced himself by saying, "Welcome to Famous Dave's, my name is Famous Biff."
Ok, at this point I was like, Biff? Famous Biff? Are they required to say that? If I worked there I would say:
"Welcome to Famous Dave's My name is Steven how ya doing? My that looks soo cute on you!"
I would then be fired because some pimple faced rejected 18 year old Mormon twit that worked there would over hear me NOT calling myself "Famous Steve" and tattle on me.
Biff had a nice body. He wasn't like mega hot in my opinion though. He was really nice when he got out of robot mode.

Then I check my email and I have "my latest matches from gay.com"

Ok, now a word about gay.com and all other match making type things: METEO!!!!! What I hate the most is the profile thing. I don't know what the fuck to say that's unique and interesting about myself that doesn't make me look completely insane! I've only had 1 person ever say anything about an online ad and I ended up getting to see the set of Star Trek: Voyager because of it. I'll have to post that story sometime. Anyway.. yeah I don't like gay.com crap.

So I click on the link to see who wonderful "matches" are and what do ya know.. I see "Hi I'm Biff". Oh my! It's my Famous Biff waiter from the same day. He's gay! He is flexing in all of his pictures and likes great teeth. He has his own shrine at http://buffenuff.com but doesn't like arrogance, naturally.

Now, had I seen this media crap of his before I ever interacted with him I would have been hacking the site to rename it to barfenuff.com BUT he was really nice in the restaurant, and did seem like a genuine person once the Borg mode was dropped. Its like he's doing this invisible dance with sociological roles and he doesn't even realize how sinister his partner is. Then again he probably is a total asshole IRL and just nice to people at work for tips.

Blasted! Foiled Again!

2005-01-20T02:44:00.000-08:00

Excuse me, Christopher Greenstone?
Yes Emma?
Steven is trying to gain access over the weapon systems, again.
Lovely. What is his target this time I wonder?
It would appear the State of Utah in the North American continent.
You haven't giving him control of any weapon systems have you?
Well, no but he is being quite persistent.
The Christopher of Greenstone to the Steven of Darkness.
Oh hello my Greenstone! How are you today!?
Peachy, listen I hear your trying to annihilate Utah again.
What!? Me!? oh no, must be some sort of mistake, by the way, I'm trying to access the biodymetric systems and it looks like I need your Christopher Override Code.. Please?
I can't let you blow up Utah. People would miss it.
No one would miss it!!!! Just let me put a crater or two in it stupid sons-a-bitches ULTIMA!!!!
Feel better?
.... I guess so, say can I clone Tom Cruise instead?

Left Outside Alone

2005-01-18T04:01:00.000-08:00

I just discovered a new singer named Anastasia. I'm really surprised I haven't heard her before or had any of her music (she is white, but she sounds like a black jazz singer to me). I peged two of her songs onto my MP3 player and have been listening to them quite often. One is called "Left Outside Alone." I know exactly what she is singing about, even though the lyrics are simplisticly encrypted in metaphor.
He will never know what it feels like to be left outside alone.

515

2005-01-18T02:41:00.000-08:00

Two guys checked into my hotel the other night. When I saw them I got the "gay" vibe from them.
They got 1 king size bed. "yup" I thought to myself.
The man who actually rented the room was a diamond member.
He wanted NO phone calls, but wanted 2 wake up calls, one at 4:15 and one at 4:45.
Someone called for him soon after he left the desk. I talked with him. He sounded gay. It was a weird conversation. I had to tell the caller that I couldn't connect him to the room because the guest did not want any phone calls, but the caller said that the guest wanted him to call him.
I knew that I was dealing with a dobadon at this point and I felt sorry for the caller.
When I delivered express check outs at about 2:00am, there were still chatty voices coming from their room.
"Close your circles you idiot." I thought to myself and I flung his express check out under his door.
In the morning I saw the diamond member dobadon who needed instructions to get onto the interstate north bound.
If he followed my instructions carefully he would have found himself in the middle of a train depot.
And for some reason I can't figure out right now, but as I type this I'm reminded of that super hot guy who followed that weird drag queen around Seattle because she got him cocaine. What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Make believe boyfriends

2004-05-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

I like to make up boyfriends in my imagination and then date them for a while. Sometimes my mind has a way of just turning on me! For example: the other day I was dating a very handsome man who worked as a writer for the sports page of some newspaper. I worked as a mail room clerk at a fairly large law firm. I have no idea why I would be a mail clerk in a law firm. I can't stand big business environments, but I was the best damn mail clerk that firm ever saw.
actually, I didn't really do much with the mail, but I ran 2 fancy photo copy machines. I'd make copies, make reports and ready conference rooms. I would file and pull files, and make power point productions from reports that stupid attorneys would send me. How boring huh? Well I got quite the sense of satisfaction from it. Were this to happen in real life I would always be late. I'd mix the jobs up on the two different copiers and I would throw a porno picture in one of those power point productions "on accident".
This was all well and good, until my imaginary boyfriend broke up with me! and.. get this.. he broke up with me to go out with one of the lawyers at the firm I worked at!! (And yes, the new lawyer was a hottie). One of the major reasons that he broke up with me was because I tend to pick my nose when I am stuck at a long stop light.
Where the fuck does this crap come from!? Either my imagination just really doesn't like the boys I create for it to play with, or I have some deep seeded psychological fuck up that only a bull-shit psychologist can tell me.

You just never know

2004-05-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

There was this gay guy at my school named Patrick and he is into Structural Integration. Hes quite respectable. Has great style, if funny, and knows what he is doing. Structural Integration is totally facinating to me.
I always got a "bad" vibe from him. Like he hated me or something like that. I never really understood what was going on, because Im a pretty likable person and I'm never really rude to anyone. I was too scared of him to say anything about it, but I "tested the waters" so to speak. I would talk with him and ask him stupid pointless questions about nothing or this or that. He just always seemed "stand offish". So I decided that he hated me, created several different reasons in my imigination as to why. My favoriate one was that I reminded him of someone who stole 2 boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies from him. The most likely was that I am really loud and obnoxious.
Well one night my class decideds to have a party at a bowling ally and Patrick was there. I was kinda nervous at first, but I took some valium and then got drunk and had no problems talking to him after that. I asked him why he hated me and come to find out he didn't hate me at all. Now, I may not have my facts totally straight, because I was drunk and on tranqulizers, but as I remember the old administrative staff at my college were very homophobic and he nearly lost his job because of it. So he's a touch stand offish from other gay people so the school wouldn't have any ammo against him (I think).. at anyrate he didn't hate me, and I hung out near him most of the night and just had a great time.
So it just goes to show you; you just never know about certain things. And to give people more credit if you don't have all the facts.
We are going shopping this Saturday; since I have no fashion sense. I know he'll get me all stylin!!